I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
