You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
