haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
