i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
