just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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