YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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