Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
