she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am mentally ready for anal.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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