like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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