$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
