No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
