Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
So. Much. Porn.
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