Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
