Your dad touched me again.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
