i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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