in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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