he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
