and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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