he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
