Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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