Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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