i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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