she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
sex in a hospital.. check
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
