R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
