I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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