the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
