Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
