I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
3 2 1 whiskey
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
