is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
