oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I had to cum in my sink.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
