i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
