similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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