i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
