id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
