So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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