Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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