he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i love accidental penises.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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