oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
