My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
