I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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