I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
