it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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