Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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