cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
