the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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