you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
