he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
