I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
