Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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