So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
