We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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