he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
