So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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