Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
