sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
