I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
