I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
