If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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