i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
