I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
