i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
