guys are only as good as the porn they watch
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
