About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
