Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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