I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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