I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize