the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
