Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
