That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Houston, we have a squirter
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
