i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
