I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
