he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
