I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
