I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
