You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
