tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
