Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.

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(949): View more from California

I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.

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(302): View more from Delaware

All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?

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(310): View more from California

My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."

(323): View more from California

If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life

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(810): View more from Michigan

Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction

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(973): View more from New Jersey

He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.

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