I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
