So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
