I was born with a shot glass in my hand
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
